. . . or at least trying to. Almost a year ago, my sister got me reading a book by Carol Tuttle entitled "Remembering Wholeness". I was skeptical. And to tell you the truth, I had never really been introduced to the Law of Attraction until that book. I'm on my second time through it and have even found another author, Louise L. Hay, that writes about a lot of the same things but with a little bit different angle. Anyway, the more I read, and the more I practice what I'm reading, the more I'm finding answers and explanations and understanding. A lot of the stuff I'm learning and figuring out is still too delicate and personal to share. But a lot of what I'm learning excites me to the point I just want to tell everyone I care for about it. I tend to get a little overzealous rather easily so I'm trying to keep myself toned down and somewhat under control.
I will share one thing, though. Anyone who knows me knows my self esteem has never been much above sea level. I'm a backseat, in the shadows, holding up the scenery kind of person. I had an experience at the dentist last year that has stayed with me all this time. It was one of those ah-ha moments, but a scary one for me. I'd just had a new crown put on and was coming down off the happy gas and straightening out after being all curled up (yes I hate the dentist), when the dentist shoved a mirror in my hand for me to look and see if I was satisfied with the crown. Hello! It was cemented on! Like I was going to say, "Oh, I'd love to sit in this chair for another couple of hours and I really think it looks a little crooked so would you please get out your pliers and rip it out and make me a new one???" Yeah, right. Even that thought was drowned out by how startled I was having the mirror shoved in my face. It was like I was seeing myself for the first time - not just my reflection, but myself. I spent the rest of that day - and many days since - trying to sort through and understand the feelings I had experienced.
One of the basic exercises that Louise Hay tells you to do is to stand in front of a mirror, look yourself square in the eyes and repeat, "I love you. I really, really love you" ten times. You're supposed to do that several times a day. I know it sounds stupid, but that is so hard for me. Next to impossible, actually. But I'm trying it. And I'm noticing subtle changes. I think doing that along with various other positive affirmations is what is helping me to sort out my past and put it to rest and take back control of my life today. The only thing I have control over is what I am thinking right this very minute but I do have control over that.
At first I thought all this affirmation talk and the Laws of Attraction sounded haughty and proud and 'entitling'. But the more I think I understand it, the more it parallels my religious beliefs and strengthens my faith in a loving Heavenly Father who knows me and loves me and wants me to love myself and succeed. Positive affirmations are founded on expressing gratitude first. I'm not sure why I decided to write this - maybe to cement it more in my mind. I am especially grateful to my sister for suggesting the first book because it's created lots of doors and windows waiting to be explored. And I think I'm in a position to do some exploring now.