Thursday, May 27, 2010

If Ignorance is Bliss . . . Knowledge is Power

Not sure which canon my thought processes got shot out of this time. I guess that can be determined at a later date and time. I do believe the fuse got lit at a doctor's appointment where I was expected to make decisions based on gray matter. After all their years of schooling and the amount of money it seems doctors make, I would expect they could dish out a little more black and white - not gray. And my gray matter doesn't function well in gray areas. So, that said, picture the clown (me) in the canon, fuse flaming with the fire of abstract accelerant and . . . poof. My mind was blown, thoughts sporadically bouncing off one wall onto another as I headed back to the office. Of course, the route from Logan to Tremonton requires I pass a gas station where they have a crushed ice machine, so, naturally being the predictable me (and the me with the addictive personality), I pull over. That's when I realize that knowledge really is a good thing and powerful enough to bring the Jimmy to a complete stop in a parking spot directly in front of the Crushed Ice Machine Store.

I KNOW I have an addictive personality. Because of that knowledge, I can make very thought-filled, logical decisions. I choose to be addicted to my Bernina sewing machine, not only because I love to create stuff but because of the knee bar. It's so cool. It's like a third hand and I'm lost without it. I choose to always have a Max in the fridge chillin'. And I always have a jar of pretzel Gold Fish mixed with cheesey ones close by. Now there's some Corn Nut Chips mixed in for variety. Being the empowered person that I am, I made an intelligent choice at the grocery store today by replacing the large bag of M&M candy with a smaller individual, one-serving size. I justified switching by telling myself, "Maybe you won't like them and then you'd be stuck with a whole bag." So I succumbed to the rational me and bought the smaller bag. M&Ms, you say, what's to wonder about them? Well:

Did you know they now make pretzel M&Ms? Can you say, "BEST OF BOTH WORLDS!" Salty meet sweet meet chocolate! I would have taken a picture of the actual morsels so you could recognize one if you saw it on the floor or something, but, alas, my addiction to chocolate and pretzels is greater than my addiction to photography! It's a good thing I didn't buy the larger bag but not because I wouldn't have liked them. Maybe my subconscious self knows my addictive self better than my conscious self!

Ditching Dodge is a relatively new addiction. I love being dropped off (with my home on wheels, of course) somewhere in this beautiful world and enjoying nature. For someone who flunked their first (and only) year of girl's camp at 13 (that's a whole other blog post), this is rather a surprising development. I still need to get the unquenchable craving to learn to use my gun and then I'll feel a little more secure. However, I am in the market for an inexpensive, smaller trailer that I would dare pull. I don't think Alan is too excited about that idea because then he'd lose the control he has over when and where I go. Maybe it's not only the control he'd lose, he'd probably lose me more times than not. As frustrating as it is for me to be lost, it's got to be even more frustrating for him to get the phone call, "Hey, honey, I just passed a field of corn and it looks like hay or something in a field on the right. There's a big billboard in the field, too. Where the h____ am I?" Is it possible to be addicted to getting lost? There's more than one reason we had a fenced yard in Delta!!!

Because of the knowledge I have about myself, I choose not to open the bag of milk chocolate chips that are in my freezer (actually there are a couple of bags) thinking I will only eat three or four at a time, stretching the bag over the time span of a month. I know I will eat at them until the bag is less than half full and then I'll sit down and eat the rest of them in one sitting, just to get rid of them, and then vow never to buy another bag again. Or if I do buy them, I'll put them in the freezer and vow never to open them. Not gonna happen. And what's this? A healthy addiction?? My hand-chopped veggie wraps in the Shrek shells (thus called because they're spinach and therefore green and when you're done eating, there's all this green doughy stuff along with the filling stuck in your teeth) call to me. And they know I will answer that call. And I know I will answer that call because I'm addicted to them. Yes, my mother just rolled over in her grave. Who knows, maybe she actually stood up. Me, who grew up liking bottled green beans ONLY. My orders at fast food restaurants always took longer because they had to make one without any onions or pickles or lettuce. Now, the more peppers, onions, mushrooms, spinach, tomatoes, lettuce, sprouts, and cucumbers the better. I am totally in awe at myself.

Lingering a bit down the magazine aisle, maybe the quilting magazines or the craft ones, but most likely the crossword puzzle section is dangerous for me and my pocket book. Joann's and other such fabric stores are really detrimental (especially if I have coupons) and to try and clear my system of the need for such is as close as I need to come to the angel of death. Alan will say I'm addicted to gadgets and he's probably right. Oh, yeah, and yard sales. Especially if he comes with me. And old kids bikes at yard sales. What the heck kind of addiction is that????? D.I. and their books. See I know my weaknesses. Most of them anyway. There are new ones popping up on a daily basis that I still need to come to grips with. And, following the counsel of my sister, the Red Hen, I will enjoy them while I can.

If it means making Alan laugh (sincerely and uncontrollably) so hard he has to put his hands around his stomach because it hurts, I'll do most anything I have to. I'm not only addicted to the sound but also the look on his face while he's so out of control. Jodi's wide-eyed look of shock as I stuff candy kisses from the table decorations into her jacket pocket feeds another of my addictions. It was a look of happy shock, by the way. A phone call from Carter that ends with "Bye, love you, bye," or the wraparound hugs from Tyler (around the shoulders now) and Layne (still around the knees) always leave me craving more. I can't get enough of Brian when he looks at me the way Joe used to and Hunter when he's running through the house like one of the balls in a pinball machine or Mariah as she nonchalantly protects us all from spiders and other crawly things no one else wants to touch. Seeing Reagan's natural mohawk hair and feeling her toes curl and her knees stiffen when she smiles is better than a sugar fix any day (not that I'd forego the sugar fix, by any means). Watching Garrett finally dare smile and the look on Colton's face when he realizes it's okay to drink a kid's Mountain Dew (caffeine free) elicit a response in me that says I need more and more and more. Knowing my kids are happy and safe and loved is a more calming, satisfying addiction.

So, I guess addictions aren't all bad. And maybe knowledge of them really is powerful. And following the counsel of my sister, Red Hen, I'll enjoy them all (the good, the bad and the ugly) while I can!

I did have a paragraph in here about the addictions I choose not to feed but maybe it's all relative. Maybe anything I subscribe to on a "need" basis is just as bad as what I condemn in others. Hmmm. I don't think I want to go there. Ignorance is bliss in this case and I'm clearly choosing it at this point.


  1. Addictions? What addictions? That all sounds like normality to me. And I've had an epiphalation {you made up the word, you tell me how to spell it} which is: Janis, you and I are twins born 11 years apart.

  2. And, I'm the oldest--that's my story and I HAVE to stick to it. We all have addictions. Like Silver Fox says, "arrest" them if you need to, but then why not die happy. Life is meant to be enjoyed. I have just had to control some of my addictions because it was forced upon me. No one said it was going to be easy, just worth it. I'm glad that your grandchildren are some of your addictions. Enjoy them; they are growing up fast--and continue to make those memories (they make good addictions). Love you.

  3. I am SO incredibly disappointed!! I read your post and of course me, being your daughter, HAD to find me some of those M&Ms (I had no idea they even made them). I only had time to stop at one place and they didn't have them. So I settled for plain ol' stale pretzels...I'm going to have to stalk out all the other places now. They sure look yummy! I too am glad that your grandchildren are some of your addictions. I for one, cannot get enough of watching Carter sleep. Love it! Maybe cause he's actually quiet. :)

  4. What's this you're saying??? Are you trying to pass responsibility for your addictions onto me?? We'll have to see if Betty has any insight on that from the Addiction group she goes to.
    And just wait until you have a small little moment before you pass out to watch three (3) little ones sleeping. You will become totally addicted to that split second of time! I guarantee it! LY

  5. Hey, from "our" clients I have learned that nothing is ever my fault. I know the counselors would say different, but I like the other version. :) And yesterday Garrett said "want you mommy, want you" and reached up for me and snuggled me and loved me and kept smiling that smile of his at me. Yep, I fell more in love or "addicted".