Monday, November 15, 2010

A Post of Sizeable Depth

I've decided I missed my calling in life. I should have been a sizemologist. Maybe because I live on some famous, oversized fault line. It's certainly not because I'm fascinated with quakes and their sizes and such. No, it just seems lately all around me is consumed with how much, how little or how not enough. I critisize to bring things down to size so I'm not overwhelmed or intimidated. I emphasize to blow things up in size so they are more important and are, therefore, moved higher on my priority list. Yeah, right, my priority list. The infamous 'bucket list' that is constantly being up-sized, downsized or totally re-sized and then crumpled into a tiny-sized wrinkled ball and thrown in the garbage can anyway {which, by the way, is either a 2-gallon size or a 13-gallon size accessosized with a bag of similar sized capacity}.

To be honest, this whole fantasizing actually started when I was exersizing one night. There was an adversizement. You know those things that if you add up all the time they take during your normal hour-long television show, they account for a sizeable chunk of that hour. Anywho, I was reminded of how no matter which fast food place I choose to eat at, I am asked what size I want my order. I can kid-size, man-size, king-size, up size, downsize, oversize. I mean, really, do I have to make that many choices just to eat? It doesn't even have to be about a happy-sized meal. This whole sizeableness has sizeably flowed over into my evil-sized indulgences. I can buy a box of bite-sized morsels or even a bag of mini-bite-sized morsels. I can buy a king-sized bar of chocolate. Or I can buy just the regular sized chocolate bar. But once I've seen a king-sized, the regular size just doesn't measure up anymore. And then I have to read the wrapper to find out what size a serving is and then deduce what size jeans I will have to buy to fit my up-sized thighs if I choose to eat the whole package instead of controlling my portion's size. None of the candy is near a nickel, like I remember it being when I was a pint-sized little kid, either. I once again hypothesize that, overall, they've down-sized the packaging and up-sized the cost.

Since I just self-anesthesized with peppermint candy kisses - a $2.89 size bag of bite size temptations, I can move right into clothes shopping. My self image always needs a good exorsizing afterwards which is why I choose to have the majority of my wardrobe be jeans and t-shirts. And then there's bra shopping. Talk about the total capsizing {or should I say cupsizing} of a perfectly good shopping trip. Full-sized, half-sized, life-sized, pint-sized {in my dreams}, queen-sized, ones to emphasize and others to de-emphasize, a size-up {which in my mind is a bra with heavy rubber straps to pull everything 'up' high enough so I can fasten my skirt or my pants} or how about the advertised "one size fits all"?

Trying to get a head start on the gargantuan-sized project of making 11 pairs of pajamas for Christmas - not to mention other gallon-sized ideas I have in my pint-sized brain to do in a proportionately spoon-sized amount of time. Anyway, measuring all the grandkids to see what size they fall in. Oh, my, goodness! Is it just me or do I have the oddest sized grandchildren in the world? There's not one that matches one size specifically!

"Woe is me," I size {pronounced sighs}!

And then I see people on a daily basis with giant-sized setbacks putting forth bigger than life-sized effort as they take baby-sized steps on their way to a better place - where they can cut their phobias and anxieties down into bite size, chewable portions. And I can't emphasize enough how they have helped me up-size my gratitude for the situations I face that are sized to be a perfect fit just for me!

Well, that's about the size of the explanation into my current fantasizing and hypothesizing about being a sizemologist.


  1. May I emphasize you used a considerable number of sizable words in your larger than life size blog post. There is nothing notisizable that I would critisize. I fantisize of the day when whatever size we each are, we will have our monthly SASS meetings at the clubhouse, and then we can size each other up, size up the situations we are each in, ostrasize any who don't belong, and drink gallon size diet whatever drinks. Your cleverness has cut me down to size.

  2. You've certainly downsized the number of meetings of the SASS club! I fantasize of more than one a month but you're idea is probably more practisizable than mine. Is it June yet?

  3. That reminds me that you forgot to size Carter Sunday. After last years episode I don’t know if you trust me to give them to you.