Friday, February 25, 2011

Seriously?? Yet Another Random Post??

If you are an optimist, you may be hoping that I'm jesting. I'm not. Well, maybe I am. Just a bit. This post might actually be helpful to someone. Then again . . . maybe not. Truthfully, I would like to discuss headaches. Not just a typical please-turn-out-the-lights-and-shut-the-blinds migraine. No. I would like to discuss your common, everyday, self-inflicted headaches. And to do so I must once again bring up the painful subject of my house. I'm not sure if it hated me first or if I started the hate-hate relationship {kind of another twist to the riddle of the chicken and the egg or the horse and the cart}. Needless to say, that relationship flourishes on a daily basis.




Please, don't get me wrong. I'm not hateful in an ungrateful sort of way. I thank Heavenly Father for my shelter every time I pray and several times while I'm at work and hear people talk about living in their cars or sleeping on a friend's couch. Someday I really will have to go into the gory details, I guess. But I'm tangenting {which, by the way, I do quite well for a spatial spastic}.




So, long story as short as possible, the contractors built a mudroom off the side of our house as a way of building a split level entrance. No questions, please. We have finished off the walls and floor underneath the upper flight of stairs and it now houses my craft supplies and multiple Granny Bag contents. However, because of the stairs not having the correct pitch or angle or height or rise or whatever the proper adjective is for it, the ceiling ABRUPTLY shortens {from 8' to 5' 6"} at a certain spot. And it's probably the only place in this whole house where there's actually a 2x4 {I was going to say 'stud' but I didn't want to offend the LOML}. It is a very real, very wood, very hard 2x4, also. I don't know of anyone over 5' tall that hasn't hit their head on it at least once. You'd think, though, after certain people have lived in this house for close to 15 years that those same certain people would be programmed {just like Pavlov's dogs} to automatically duck and thereby avoid the pain and anguish of hitting it. Evidently those were highly intelligent dogs to begin with!




Anyway, tonight, while trying to work on a portion of de-mucking my house, I was moving at lightning speed in said Under The Stair Area {UTSA}. Out of the blue or black or whatever color everything started turning, I whacked my head. I have never hit it this hard. This is the hardest I have ever hit my head in the UTSA or anywhere else. Did I mention I have never had my head hit as hard as I hit it tonight? Well, then, let me tell you . . . I have never hit my head that hard. It went all tingley all the way down the back of neck. It might actually have been a case of Pedestrian Whiplash. Like in the cartoons when Wiley Coyote gets the anvil dropped on his head and you see multiple vibrations as a way of portraying how hard the anvil hit him. That's how I visualized this incident. And, even worse, there was no one here to witness it and validate the fact that I hit my head harder than I've ever hit it before. It wouldn't surprise me if it registered on the Rickter Scale! I immediately swayed to the fridge and got a Buzz Lightyear ice pack for my head and a larger, more adultish one for my neck and then sat down in my favorite chair trying to remember how long you're supposed to stay awake after receiving {or inflicting} a whack to the head.





Now this paragraph is more for my children. I want you to know that a person {even your dear sweet Mother} who is prone to say a certain swear word, can change. After hitting my head harder than I've ever hit it before, I did not swear. Call it deathbed repentance or whatever you want, but I did not swear. {Once again, though, there were no witnesses to either confirm or deny the truth. My word will have to suffice}. Actually, I started praying because I have never hit my head that hard in my entire life! {Seriously . . . I have to ask how bad would your head feel if you hit it hard enough to crack it open or just make it bleed? Not that I want to personally experience that, I just can't imagine how bad it would hurt if I hit my head hard enough that it bled!}



So, now that I've laid the foundation for my post on self-inflicted headaches, I want to talk about the options for remedying said self-inflicted headaches.




#1: The traditional ice pack.







#2: Self Medication.








Or, my personal favorite,


 #3: Fixing the Problem


Amber calls it "blog stalking" and I do my share of it. Enough to know that every blog out there seems to have at least one tutorial for something artsy fartsy {as Nathan would say}. I've often been jealous so here is my tutorial for a DIY headache remedy:



HEADACHE RELIEF 1.01





1.  Measure as accurately as possible the length of said headache inflictor {this would involve timesing the biggest number on your ruler by how many times you have to move it across area to be remedied}.







2.  Locate a piece of batting or stuffing, which is located in said UTSA, so be sure and duck.







3.  Locate a piece of attractive fabric to cover the batting with. I chose a reddish color so if this doesn't work, it will easily hide any future blood spatter.











4.  Get out your tools - i.e. something to measure with and something to cut with and cut and measure as accurately as possible, the batting and fabric to match the measurements of the area you are remedying - cutting the fabric a squish larger than the batting.





5.  Get out some more tools, i.e. glue gun and glue sticks {notice the bag of glue sticks is open - mental note: pick up all glue sticks that flew about when removing bag from the drawer because you didn't know it was open at the time}.















6.  Folding the fabric in half over the batting, use the glue gun and seal all the edges. Handy Tips and Tricks: This step works best if both the glue gun and glue are hot.







 


 


 


 


 


7.  Get out some more tools, i.e. electric staple gun and appropriate sized staples or brads.




   











8.  Hold padded fabric in place and begin to staple it to area to be covered.


 











  








9.  Take a moment here and get someone {in my case, LOML} to find you an extension cord


so you can actually plug in your electric staple gun.






Is he really laughing at me?




10.  Continue holding and stapling until entire piece of padded fabric is attached. Tips and Tricks: This step works best if brad goes through the padded fabric. 


















10.  Get some more tools, i.e. cute little girly hammer and fix all the brads that are sticking out {no need to poke your eyes out now instead of getting a concussion}!
















Whaaaaalaaaaaa!!!!!

I know I look like a crazed {am I laughing or crying???} woman, but you have to remember, it's only been a couple of hours since I hit my head the hardest it has ever been hit!






The finished product! With all its imperfections, it will

still soften future encounters with the human skull.

Who said traumatic brain injuries aren't productive?

5 comments:

  1. And you did all that after you hit your head the hardest you have ever hit your head in the UTSA. What does UTSA mean? Why couldn't LOYL saw out a piece of the ceiling and make it convenient to walk under? OUCH! Glad you are okay.

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  2. Was this the hardest your head had ever been hit? I hope your head is feeling better- I seriously laughed the whole time I was reading! :)

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  3. Oh! Not that I find you hitting your head funny, just the way you wrote the post! Love you!

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  4. OMG!!! Does your head still hurt?

    Guess what!? I figured out why I couldn't comment....

    YOU MOVED IT TO THE TOP

    silly me I thought comments went AFTER the post
    :)

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  5. Britney - it's my (me, Janis, mine) blog. If things can be made abnormal, I will find a way to do it! bwahaha (how do you spell that wicked laugh?)
    Amber - I know exactly what you were laughing at!

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