Saturday, March 31, 2012

From the Mouths of Chocolate-Faced Babes

Thank you Hunter!

I had General Conference on in the family room while I was working in the kitchen. I was listening to it. Honest. Hunter was in the family room eating his lunch and playing. Then he yelled in at me.

Hunter: "Gramma, General Conference is on. Don't you know when General Conference is on, you're supposed to be watching??"

Gramma: "I'm trying to listen."

Hunter: "You're supposed to be WATCHING!"

A guilty silence with no response but I continued working in the kitchen.

A few minutes later Hunter came running into the kitchen.

Hunter: "Gramma! He just said your last name! He said your name! He said Christian and that's your last name!"

Well, now I really felt guilty. My grandson had associated President Oaks' talk about Christians with his grandma who was too busy in the kitchen to be where she was supposed to be - in this case WATCHING General Conference. I think I will be more careful - being where I should be, saying what I should be saying, doing what I should be doing - in order to live up to what my grandson believes my name is.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

An Ah-Ha Moment

So, I was just sitting here at work drooling over my frosty Pepper 10 {I've already had my Max} which I just poured into my frosty mug. Whenever my world slows down and there isn't a whole lot being forced into my brain, demanding my immediate attention, I tend to start visualizing different aspects of my life and people in my life and situations in my life and problem areas in my life and try to sort things through with Heavenly Father. Those thoughts were all the more fresh and tender today, too, thanks to just having had an awesome weekend and putting new pictures of my grandkids in frames around my desk and then Pandora was playing one of my favorite songs by Joshua Kadison, "Beautiful in My Eyes". Perhaps all that combined made me a little more open than I normally would have been. Whatever the reason, I actually had an epiphelation!!

"And what was your epiphelation" you might ask? {assuming you're interested}

"I need to apologize to LOML."


That's not the actual, whole, entire, total epiphelation that created my Ah-Ha experience. The need to apologize is merely the outcome of my epiphelation but you have to start somewhere, I always say.

Ever since LOML told me his 'inspirational' story some 30-odd years ago, I have berated him, laughing at the story itself, even using it as an example of how LOML doesn't care enough to help me - I'm on my own. Well, I just saw the whole scenario played out in a different light.

"LOML, I'm sorry for not properly appreciating your efforts and your story." There.

"So, what was your actual epiphelation", you might ask? {assuming you're still interested}

After I became aware of the song that my subconscious mind was hearing, my conscious mind started listening closer to the words. At various points in the song, I pictured either my children, my grandchildren, my family or my close friends. And that's when the story randomly came back to my mind.

Maybe it wasn't actual motivation or the desire to achieve something specific and tangible that the Farmer wanted the Boy to find when he was holding his head under the water in the horse trough.

Maybe it was the fact that the Farmer knew life was going to throw a multitude of experiences and people at the Boy, in an attempt to hold him down {maybe not as literally as he was doing to him at the time}. When the Boy had a knowledge inside of him of who he was and that he was loved by a power greater than anything holding him in the water; when that knowledge was as strong as his desire to breathe - then he would succeed at anything. It wouldn't matter how many times the Boy got dunked and how heavy with soaked water his clothes became.

Inside the Boy would know he was a Child of God, that he was Loved and he would resurface and shake off the water and go on.

Sometimes {okay, the majority of the time} you just have to have that knowledge somewhere deep enough inside of you that all the water in the world can't fade it or wash it out. Because, believe me, the world is not going to bend over backwards spewing forth flowery words and praises to remind you of how beautiful you are!

You just have to KNOW. For yourself. In yourself. By yourself. KNOW it as strongly as you want to experience that next refreshing breath of air that's just waiting for you.

If your knowledge fades and you need a little jolt to get your head out of the horse trough, just remember,

"You will always be beautiful in my eyes!" 

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Counting My Blessings

Ingredients of a truly SUPER Saturday!

2 Happy Workers and 1 Job to do

12 Naturally energetic bodies

12 Naturally occurring monkeys

12 Pieces of Heaven

3 RED Fireballs

Tyler, Layne & Paisley

3 BLUE Pieces of Bright Sky

Colton, Carter & Garrett

4 YELLOW Rays of Sunshine

Mariah, Reagan, Brian & Jodi {in the back}

2 LT BLUE Droplets of Refreshing Water

Hunter & Aspen

1 Lg Portion of GOOD WEATHER

24 or more wheels

And, of course, a healthy amount of ice cream!

And the results are absolutely


Sunday, March 4, 2012

Meet Tank

So, the Jimmy is in an active state of dying. LOML told me I probably don't want to drive it any further than I want to either walk back or pay for the towing. It's kind of sad to see it just sitting in the driveway, though. Kind of makes me want to drive it until it dies, doing what it was meant to do or get my gun and put it out of its misery. Knowing my gun skills, I'd probably inflict more misery than end any, however.

I drove LOML's manly truck for awhile. Hoisting myself - I mean hoisting up my skirt and heaving my body up in the cab. You'd think my bat wings should have seen no small amount of toning! All the while I kept telling him I'd really be okay driving Blue . . . if he'd take the camper shell off. I really didn't think he'd take the shell off. It's been sort of a signature or icon for several years now.

Our neighbor found the shell on the side of the road with a "FREE" sign on it and immediately thought, "Alan needs that!" Not only was it not a great color match, it wasn't exactly the perfect match size-wise either and was therefore held onto the truck bed by a whomping six (6) c-clamps that I even helped fasten on. It was kind of a magical shell in that it transformed Blue into a Mary Poppins kind of truck. Blue basically became a survival station on wheels. LOML was able to put a little bit of everything in the space protected by that ugly camper shell.

Cool as it looked, I couldn't drive it. There was something funky about trying to see through the truck window and then through the fiberglass windows of the shell. Instead of being able to see 'through' all the windows, I got more of a 'reflection' of what was in the bed and what was in the cab. Doesn't really make me feel amazingly safe and secure on the open road. Besides, if you know me very well, you know how I feel about my reflection!!!

Short story long, LOML actually took the shell off and relocated all the stuff from the bed to his shed. Now that there's a lone shell in the backyard, there may be another Redneck shed on our horizon!! I think he's offered it to some of the kids for a shed roof but, go figure, they've all turned him down. Shocking!

So, I figured if he was willing to remove the shell, he must really want his manly truck back so I made the transition, putting the manly truck keys into the bottomless pit I call a purse and scrounging around in there until I found the keys to Blue. I not only opened the door on Blue, I opened the door into a fragile ecosystem that is on the edge of extinction - and for good reason. I thought I'd better document it for future generations who may not understand what Grampa and Gramma are talking about when they visit us in the Old Folks Home. {I know I'm assuming a lot by thinking 'someone' will come and visit us. And I'm sure if 'someone' does come and visit us, we will want nothing more than to talk about Blue!}

And, speaking of keys. Blue's keys are backwards. Since the steering wheel and the tires are round, it makes sense that the round key would be the one you use to start the engine with. And, since the door is square {okay, rectangle}, it makes sense that the square key should be used to unlock the door. Well, obviously I'm not schooled in the logicality of key making because Blue's keys are just opposite.

Depending on the situation, I either have to think to myself,

"OK, Janis, {that's what I call myself on good days} you want to make the round steering wheel work and the four round tires go a-round, therefore you must use the square key"


"OK, Janis, {obviously still a good day} you need to find the round key so you can open this square door".

Walking on the wild side there trying to convince my self of the sensibility of it all.

Cassette tape deck. It could be worse, I guess - it could have

been an eight track tape player.

This would be the door locker thing. I have to actually put

manual labor into pushing this lever down - on each door

individually. Thank goodness there are only two!

Yes, thank goodness there are only two because this is quite a

stretch to lock/unlock the other door.

How many generations from now will it be

before someone questions why we call it

"rolling down" the window? Once again

I guess I should look on it as an opportunity

to get an additional workout for the batwings. 

Fortunately it has certain amenities that

are more modern and long lasting.

Did I say thank goodness there were only two doors? Well that has

a down side. That means it's a single cab and there's half as much

space to store purchases and people and purses and, well, just space

in general. So, I'm in the market for a truck bed box thing. Maybe.

Well, there you have it. A free tour of my museum on wheels. I am excited to have the unique opportunity of getting to know Blue better. First line of business - new name. Yup. It's now Tank. For several reasons. The sound. It's a sound you 'feel' more than you 'hear'. And its pick-up. Not the model but the actual speed pick-up. I mean it can go from 0 to 5 in, oh, say 15 minutes. I imagine a tank picks up speed about that fast.