Sunday, March 4, 2012

Meet Tank

So, the Jimmy is in an active state of dying. LOML told me I probably don't want to drive it any further than I want to either walk back or pay for the towing. It's kind of sad to see it just sitting in the driveway, though. Kind of makes me want to drive it until it dies, doing what it was meant to do or get my gun and put it out of its misery. Knowing my gun skills, I'd probably inflict more misery than end any, however.

I drove LOML's manly truck for awhile. Hoisting myself - I mean hoisting up my skirt and heaving my body up in the cab. You'd think my bat wings should have seen no small amount of toning! All the while I kept telling him I'd really be okay driving Blue . . . if he'd take the camper shell off. I really didn't think he'd take the shell off. It's been sort of a signature or icon for several years now.

Our neighbor found the shell on the side of the road with a "FREE" sign on it and immediately thought, "Alan needs that!" Not only was it not a great color match, it wasn't exactly the perfect match size-wise either and was therefore held onto the truck bed by a whomping six (6) c-clamps that I even helped fasten on. It was kind of a magical shell in that it transformed Blue into a Mary Poppins kind of truck. Blue basically became a survival station on wheels. LOML was able to put a little bit of everything in the space protected by that ugly camper shell.

Cool as it looked, I couldn't drive it. There was something funky about trying to see through the truck window and then through the fiberglass windows of the shell. Instead of being able to see 'through' all the windows, I got more of a 'reflection' of what was in the bed and what was in the cab. Doesn't really make me feel amazingly safe and secure on the open road. Besides, if you know me very well, you know how I feel about my reflection!!!

Short story long, LOML actually took the shell off and relocated all the stuff from the bed to his shed. Now that there's a lone shell in the backyard, there may be another Redneck shed on our horizon!! I think he's offered it to some of the kids for a shed roof but, go figure, they've all turned him down. Shocking!

So, I figured if he was willing to remove the shell, he must really want his manly truck back so I made the transition, putting the manly truck keys into the bottomless pit I call a purse and scrounging around in there until I found the keys to Blue. I not only opened the door on Blue, I opened the door into a fragile ecosystem that is on the edge of extinction - and for good reason. I thought I'd better document it for future generations who may not understand what Grampa and Gramma are talking about when they visit us in the Old Folks Home. {I know I'm assuming a lot by thinking 'someone' will come and visit us. And I'm sure if 'someone' does come and visit us, we will want nothing more than to talk about Blue!}

And, speaking of keys. Blue's keys are backwards. Since the steering wheel and the tires are round, it makes sense that the round key would be the one you use to start the engine with. And, since the door is square {okay, rectangle}, it makes sense that the square key should be used to unlock the door. Well, obviously I'm not schooled in the logicality of key making because Blue's keys are just opposite.

Depending on the situation, I either have to think to myself,

"OK, Janis, {that's what I call myself on good days} you want to make the round steering wheel work and the four round tires go a-round, therefore you must use the square key"


"OK, Janis, {obviously still a good day} you need to find the round key so you can open this square door".

Walking on the wild side there trying to convince my self of the sensibility of it all.

Cassette tape deck. It could be worse, I guess - it could have

been an eight track tape player.

This would be the door locker thing. I have to actually put

manual labor into pushing this lever down - on each door

individually. Thank goodness there are only two!

Yes, thank goodness there are only two because this is quite a

stretch to lock/unlock the other door.

How many generations from now will it be

before someone questions why we call it

"rolling down" the window? Once again

I guess I should look on it as an opportunity

to get an additional workout for the batwings. 

Fortunately it has certain amenities that

are more modern and long lasting.

Did I say thank goodness there were only two doors? Well that has

a down side. That means it's a single cab and there's half as much

space to store purchases and people and purses and, well, just space

in general. So, I'm in the market for a truck bed box thing. Maybe.

Well, there you have it. A free tour of my museum on wheels. I am excited to have the unique opportunity of getting to know Blue better. First line of business - new name. Yup. It's now Tank. For several reasons. The sound. It's a sound you 'feel' more than you 'hear'. And its pick-up. Not the model but the actual speed pick-up. I mean it can go from 0 to 5 in, oh, say 15 minutes. I imagine a tank picks up speed about that fast.


  1. Tell him you're birthday is coming up. Maybe he'll get the hint. Tell him you like green or maroon, maybe yellow or orange. I sure miss the van we had just for shopping reasons. I could put anything in it plus the kids. Lots of Love, and be careful.

  2. You can call him Tank but I still like The Beast better. Hey, Adam's looking for a shell for his truck. Maybe he'll want that one. :) Ha Ha!! Be safe driving. Love you!