Saturday, August 31, 2013

The Third Little Boy

A couple of years ago, Brian brought his two-wheeler to camp. He'd just barely had his dad take off his training wheels and was working hard at learning how to balance and ride his bike with a minimum of tipping over. Later that camp, Scott, Amber and their kids came. Hunter brought his bike that still sported training wheels. When he saw what Brian was doing, Hunter got with his dad and they took off his training wheels. He took right off. Well, sort of. My memory is him zooming down a little hill and hitting a tree and falling off but then getting up laughing his head off. He got right back on his bike and rode it without training wheels from that point on.


I wasn't in on the original idea at this camp, but fortunately I looked over just at the right time to see Adam helping Garrett ride his newly converted two-wheeler. After snapping a few pictures and watching for a minute or two, I realized Nellie wasn't out here documenting this momentous occasion. I yelled at her in their trailer and asked if she knew her baby was out here riding a two-wheeler. There was a scream, an audible "NO!" and scrambling as she found her camera and headed out the door.


So now, camp seems to be a great place to learn to ride a two-wheeler.


Saturday, August 17, 2013

Nothing Is As It Seems

No wonder I walk around in a daze all the time - confused and deliriously crazy. I think this life is just all one big trick. Now, maybe I have something to do with that at times and maybe I don't :-} but nonetheless I think it's only right to expect what I'm going to get {or get what I'm expecting}.

Now me, I love almonds - especially these. There is usually an open can in my cupboard at all times.

So, imagine my surprise when I reach my hand in for some almonds and discover:

Yep. Paisley has been here. One of the many passies that have betrayed her whereabouts and travels throughout my house. But not until long after she's gone home without it!

So, I guess we're even, LOML! 

Thursday, August 8, 2013

My Name is Janis and I'm a Closet Drinker

Yeah, that pretty much means I failed. At least I failed in July and so far the first week of August. Call it homeostasis. Blame it on that pleasure sensor in my brain.

But I was a success from April 15 to July 4! That's got to stand for something, right? If I was successful once, I can be again, right?

I was talking to my friend at work, expressing my frustrations with my lack of self control. Normally I wouldn't have said anything to anyone. The Pepper 10 bottles were discretely hidden in a grocery sack and I was stashing them at the very back of the fridge. But she caught me. Maybe it was the drool she saw pooling on my bottom lip as I reluctantly let go of them. Maybe you really can see through those white plastic grocery sacks and I'm not as smart as I thought I was {like using Stetson cologne to hide the cigarette smoke}.

I told her I felt like a failure. And it isn't like I fell... {Okay. Break here. Has anyone noticed before that 'fail' and 'fell' go together in more ways than just their sound? I just noticed that as I typed them and they really do kind of go together. Okay. Break's over.} the wagon at a spot that left me even with where I was on April 15th when I quit before. No. Landing on my robust bottom allowed me to bounce backwards several times before coming to rest in the dusty mistiness of self pity. I spent a month wallowing in that dust bowl.

My friend just nodded her head and agreed with me. And for a moment we bonded as we shared vices. I said that in some small way, I understood how people with more life-threatening addictions struggled so much to quit. Again she nodded and said it's good for 'normal' people to feel that because then it's easier to empathize.

I can make a "Pros and Cons" list and the pros to not drinking pop will definitely win. But that cold, biting first swallow as it rots its way down my throat wins out every time! Dammit!

Yeah so maybe it's homeostasis. Maybe the pleasure sensor in my brain is just overstimulated from years of overdosing. Maybe it's just my addictive personality taking charge of my choices. Whatever, I will succeed again. Until then, you'll find me in the closet imbibing my Pepper 10.

Snooze vs Dismiss

I know it's a irritation to LOML. But, what's new?? The majority of my habits and idiosyncrasies drive him crazy, so why should the alarm on my phone be any different? Not just the alarm on my phone, but the way I deal with it.

I have a quote on my board at work that says, "Life isn't short on wake up calls. We're just too quick to hit the snooze button". I love the snooze button. Sometimes I'm not so quick to hit it, though. Sometimes I don't hear it. Sometimes I wake up annoyed, wondering why it sounds like a jackhammer is attacking the headboard. Sometimes I actually wake up before it and lay there wondering when the clock app is going to roll over to that magical number and start its little jiggle dance.

I have multiple alarms set strategically. They're strategic in my mind, at least. Mornings are not my favorite part of the day. Never have been. When I was little I remember being woke up to Mom wanting my sheets, the sound of the sprinklers outside or just Mom making her 'cleaning the house' noises. Once I got married and started a family, I woke up to little people wanting a bottle, pushing their way into my bed, or ready to go outside and play.

Now I wake up {sometimes} to "You can't roller skate in a buffalo herd but you can be happy if you've a mind to". Every ten minutes. My whole morning is thrown off if I'm too far away from my phone when it goes off and LOML pushes the 'dismiss' button instead of the 'snooze' button.

Every time my alarm snoozes, I know I have ten more minutes to get that much closer to being ready for work. Or ten more minutes to get a last little backup of sleep. Like plugging your cellphone in for five minutes, thinking that will make the difference in whether the battery lasts through the day or not. Not sure I'm recharging or draining my internal battery, though! If I don't have my ten minute wake-up calls, I trick myself into thinking I have all the time in the world to accomplish my tasks. And I WILL take all the time in the world, too!

This morning I observed that the ten-minute frame is just like the rest of my day {life} - it's relative. The closer the reminders are to the originating time of 6:00am, the longer, more peaceful and soothing the spaces are. When it goes off again, I'm thinking, "Thank you for that luxurious ten minutes of extra peace before I get out of bed!" But the closer the reminders get to the 7:50am alarm {labeled "In Car"}, the closer together they seem to be and the more irritable I am when the suggestion to roller skate in a buffalo herd starts playing. By then I'm thinking, "I'd like to tell you where you can roller skate!"

But, so, I've reached an impasse. I have to wonder if it's better to be setting small, easier to reach goals for my life or stick with all these goals that I might have to wait until the eternities to find out just how poorly I did! I have all these things I want to do and be and yet I never seem to feel any sense of accomplishment.

Maybe I need to keep the long range goals but leave the ten-minute check-ins just like they are and work a little faster during them.

Maybe I just need to learn how to roller skate so I can be happy if I've a mind to!